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*Forever Free*

Through the browns of her eyes, she sees wonders

Month

May 2013

Mind Circus-Poem

Come in
Enjoy the show
We have attractions for the young and old
High fly trapeze
Jumps and swings that your mind can not comprehend.

Cold winds blow
I climb the ladder
Recounting ever last step
I see the thin wire, beckoning me

The squeaking sounds of the stairs rings…
Despair, Anguish
I want my performance to be perfect
Alone,Lost

I’m on the platform, also touching the tent the encloses my thoughts
I look down to see…nothing
This isn’t what I pictured
Where is my audience, my crowd filled with encouragement and amazement
The wind blows harder

My footing isn’t steady
Shaking as I take each step
Where do I go from here? Is it time to play it safe?
Step…by step…
Am I strong enough? Can I do it? Is this what life truly is?
I look down,nothing but black surrounds me
Can I fall? Will I fall?

Softly I hear, the Entrance of the Gladiator
Distorted,rewound backwards
My head is spinning
My wire is getting longer and the sounds of misery causes my focus to shake
Can I keep going?

The trumpets are louder, the cymbals blending
STOP!!!!
The flutes follow the melody as the Tuba softly
PLEASE!!!
I look up as the tent gets bigger
I WANT IT TO END!!!

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Mind Circus

Hey folks,

I know, i know, it’s been a while since I’ve been on or even put up some new ideas for writing however, i’ve been see-saw between a rock and chaos.

So I recently moved in with my best friend/sister and i figured that this was the very thing that I needed. Being in clearfield and staying with an ex, anything would better than that. However, like the saying goes, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. In addition to that theory, the addition, “if you think that it can get worst, it can.”

Ladies and Gentleman, Let me first start with a disclaimer. I am a rebel without a cause. I’ve been like that since I was in the womb. I personally believed that I may have punched the doctor in the throat. Ok, in all seriousness, i have never been one to listen to the rules(don’t get me wrong, i did my homework, participated in sports but when it came to listening to authority…eh, not so much) so you can imagine how i’d feel coming to a home that has rules. Make sure the car is back in a certain hour. Don’t drink this. Don’t eat that. Yeah, those type of rules only made me relapse to the 9+ years of being tied down and never had a room to grow or to even go through the rebellious stage due to constraining circumstances(ie: boarding school plays NO games).

Sorry for ranting…Anywhom, It all started and somewhat ended with a car. We went to car dealership to see what they had and what procedures i would need to do get my OWN car. Well, it turns out that i would need at least 1000 bucks to get it. She told me that she had the money, if only i would be able to pay it back in the next 5 days(Ladies and gentes, in WHAT WORLD is that even possible…unless you are Bill Gates or siting on money that was give by your great-great-great-great-great grandparent and still accessible today). I called every broke person that would like the idea of borrowing the money and me paying that in 3 weekly payments. Sadly, no avail. One evening, a friend of mine decided to smoke in the car before we went in to work. My best friend got wind of stale smoke and was livid, stripping away my ability to go anywhere. And in my head, an atomic bomb went off. This is what happiness goes when one minor misjudgement takes away my only means of escape. The carousel has began with every option I wanted to take on each beautiful sculpted pageant horse. Up= my dreams and aspirations and Down=real world issues.

I swear, i have moved back to West Pa in hopes to seek refuge. To rebuild. However, i’m constantly face with complaining over little things, bitched at about how the car should be ran and who should be in there. Now, to hear that she’s moving her father in makes the space even more crowded. I am being chained down and it wasn’t like I signed up for it to be that way. I wanted to work, save my money and move to Cali. Well, as of today, it looks like I might be doing it a little sooner for the sole purpose of wanting to escape.

The stress…The Chaous…I want my beautiful glory however now, it’s dimming by the second and It’s beginning to stir a storm inside me.

Sorry it wasn’t on a happier note, but I’m at the end of my rope,folks.

Jay

Oh, and I have ended this rant with a poem same title…Next Post

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