*Forever Free*

Through the browns of her eyes, she sees wonders


August 2012

Sweet Posions’ Kiss

Hey Folks!

I’ve been so busy but when I got the time to write, I’m get excited and utilize it. While bored at work, I looked at my Tumblr name and it made me chuckle. Well, the following is the poem I came up with. Enjoy!


Softly planted on the unknown, seductive to the touch

Inviting to the taste, nestling my love onto yours

Not knowing the fate the lies beneath.

Power amounted infinite

Drags you to a beautiful euphoria

Leaving you there to drift along the stream of orgasmic bliss

Just to sink into Love’s bleeding death.

How could you have possibly know?

Disguise, the sweet words in which the cautions honey’s lies

You aren’t the first

To fall helpless, paralized with one heartfelt encounter

Continue to taste the memories  along your pillow mounts, recalling of a moment of once was

Crave for me once more

Need my dangerous lace, substaining life which I would graceously…greatful steal

Like a phantom in the night

I inhale your scent

Feeding off your desires

leaving you light-headed

Yes, vulnerability reveal yourself to me

A lust hungry vampire.

Leaving a chuckle escape,

A mischievous childs’ laughter

My way is always the right one.

As a dog would pant

Letting the poison take course

Suffering is evitable

No anecdote to common man

To run away is just foolish

For once you’ve had my sinful kiss

The vines of despair have already take root

The posions kiss have sealed its fate.

©Jay Williams


Excerpt from up coming novel…

Hey Folks,

Laying in bed, on my day off and I personally don’t want to go to sleep( It’s 1:02, so time to get up! LOL) and I figured that I should do some more writing since I feel like i’ve been not only slacking( work takes ever bit of energy) I have that overwhelming feeling to write. It’s like that overwhelming to go to the bathroom( I know, gross but hey, it’s relatable) so enclosed is a except from a novel that I’m working one.

…I’m looking at this same questionare that i’ve been looking at since middle school. It was like the program was supposed to calcuate my strengths,, subtrack my weakness and Poof! come the ideal career movement. It wasn’t the like question targeted me, it was either “strongly agree”, “Maybe”, and “strongly disagree.”Back in middle school, I remenber how many times our career exploritory teacher would constantly ask us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I personally wanted to survive middle school. Too much had happen with moving around to adapting to the constant changes that St. Augustine was gong through. When I was hitting elementary school, I would see everyone draw what they seen themselves becomng, many high class jobs like doctors or lawyers. No, i was the kid who just took crayons and drew skys and rainbows. Middle school, however, seemed that there had to have been a carreer path before enter the doors of high school.

“What do you see yourself in 15 years?”

Ok, 12+15=27. At 27 years old, I see myself…just seeing myself. I couldn’t think that far away. Hence, the amazing questionary that everyone would have to take if they had no idea what they wanted to become. Looked around at my fellow classmates, I picked out the successful ones. The ones that the questionare ended, the top five choice had substantial income if chosen. That would require years of schooling, at the presedigous schools that would later be the reason that debt would be high. I was anxious to see what it would tell me. Sure, I wasn’t in the classes that most kids were in, I was the classes that kids need the most assistance. A level above special education and a level below advance. Sure there were some skills that I was good at, not substantually but good enough. I love the preforming arts, from the art classes( which I couldn’t draw for the life of me, my stick figures did me just fine) to dance( I like to partually blame it on the fact that I was born with music in my hips) but subjects like math or science, that was teaching me dead language. I couldn’t figure out why X= 3.5 when X is just and X or why atoms can altern themselves when I can’t see them change. 

My hand rest in my palm as I looked at the same familiar questions.

Like working with your hands…Yes

Like being a group setting…Sometimes

Like being alone at work…What the hell?

I looked up for a moment and I saw her  put her books on the table. I noted chemistry and other sciences  that I had the “luxuary” of doing my sophmore year. She let out a heavy sigh as she began to type what I assume was her login infomation. She reminded me of the girls in middle school, who had the brain and the beauty all equal into one. The girls that I’d strive to become when I was growing up however, always fell short. Manly-looking kids never did get that far untill after high school, which I would have be screw all around. All I wanted to be when I was growing up was to be liked, to be smart enough that it would shock people. I’d hear in the hallways, “She did it again, I’m going to see if she would do my homework for me, after I ask her out.” Sure, that sounds so low, but apperication is what I wanted far more then deciding what I wanted to become when I was older. Setting myself apart from my classmate, have boys look at me and topple over each other just to talk to me like I seen so many do with other at my boarding school.

She looked up to meet my eyes and I didn’t realize I was starring. My mind escape for a moment and now, it started to look a little creepy. She cracked a smile and I turn the same warmth. Being a Junior in college, everything started to pick up, coming closer to senior year and I need to decided my major, fast. So there, I sat going through the questionare and hating myself for not figuring out what I wanted to become. Or figuring out myself. All I wanted, was to make a mark somewhere and going through college up till that point, I only make a drop in the lake whereas everyone was making splashes. I was the same girl from middle school, but this time, I hit puberty and be there for a few years now.

The top five choses came up and the first one, i practically shit a brick. The same occupation that had haunted me for years. Everything I did, changed my answers still gave me same career path. All I could so is whisper harshly,”Goddammit”


Room 315

Wrote a short story for my friend…insane but what is life without this adjective…it’s for the reader over the age of 18 so reader discretion is advice!

Room 315
Room 315, He said. There is some problem with the TV. I chuckled. If this is an excused as to get my to leave the front desk, then well, he hit the nail on the head. Ok, I’ll be right up.
He isn’t the first, but he’s more like the 5th guy who came up with some imaginary problem in their room just to get me to go up there and talk. However, Room 315 is a bit different, especially since this isn’t the first time. I let Tara know that 315 is having some issues with their TV and they wanted me to go check. She sucked her teeth and huffed. Bitch. 
May 19th is when I decided to quit the job that was selling pointless landline phones as a plan to upgrade Internet to explore the rhelm of Hotel Management. The interview wasn’t a standard interview. No, “What are your strength and weakness and who would this effect you work here?” it was along the lines of, “Front Desk Clerk, Your responsiblity is a. b. and c.” In a small town of Clearfield, i supposed the mannerism of job inquiry had died along with need for racial intergration. The start of the job was great, learning how to check people in, swiping credit cards, assigning long term guest to rooms that they have previously stayed in was all exciting, however, nothing mentally stimulating.
“We are amazed how quickly you can pick up on this, it took some months to get the hang of it”
I’m sure it would have been difficult for me, yet, i’ve done things much more complicated. Love for you to surgically remove a needle out of a child’s eye. Or find the cure for osteoporosis, yep, this was soo easy.
Out of the boring nights, seeing the finest quality that America has to offer that would so happen to stop in the center of our Commonwealth; He would come in. His smile was as though was looking at movie star, the doors swinging open and wind blowing through his deep conditioned brown hair.
“Yall have any rooms?”
Forearms,dirty. Hands,gritty. Face,immaculate.
“Miss” He said,snapping out of my stare
“Yall have any rooms?”
“Let me see what I can do for you?” I said, typing in the date
“We’ve been working all day in State College, and they are book so I hope yall can help”
It was every syllable of his sentence was laced with honey. Mouth-watering.
As I was rattling numbers and room options, my professionalism went out the door and flirting came into play. Always willing player, however, always gets me in trouble. With myself and my selfish desires.
“I see yall work so hard, A nice massage would do you some good.”
He cracked a smile, “Are you gonna give me?”
“Would you like for me to?”
He comes over the counter and say quietly, without Tara supersonic hearing in the area.
“There are a lot of things i want you to do?”
“We’ll like i said, If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know.” I said, keeping my ever changing compusure.
“Yes, It is on the third floor, it is a Jazuzzii suite.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, just let us know if you need help with starting the jets.”
“Mmmmhummm, Absolutely Miss Jade. Yall have a great night, ya hear”
I smiled so hard, my face could have potentially cracked and there will be a tsunami in Australia. I looked up at the clock, 8:30. Jesus! I got 2 and a half hours of this. I needed to keep busy, though the efforts are always changing with old women complaining about the pool being too hot.
“The little pool” they said
“It’s supposed to be, it’s the hot tub”
See, always distractions, intellectually speaking.
Looking at the next day arrivals, the phone rings.
“Jade, speaking ,how can I help you?”
“It’s Kelton in 315, My TV isn’t working, can you come up?”
“I be right up there”
My heart starts to beat rapid as I entered the elevator. This seems to always happen on the third flood, TV’s aren’t working or vending machine is out of Munchos’. I knock on his door, that was already cracked.
“Font Desk”
“Yeah, Come in, Miss Jade”
“How did you know it was me?” closing the door behind me
“Because of your voice”
“Ah, yep so your tv”
“The TV is fine, just wanted to get you up here”
“You lied.”
He comes out of the bathroom, broad pecktorical muscules, little hair on his chest. Lungs forgot to inhale as I chocked.
“You didn’t want to be behind that desk, did you?”
“No, not really.” Sitting on his king bed, “So tell me where you are from?”
“Originally, Texas but I move to South Carolina at 5 and being working the riges for about 7 years now.”
He tells me the stories about working on the riges, in which, I don’t have any idea what that is. I mean, I’m from the city, riges is not in my common vocabluary as reference to occupation.
“Is that what they call pipeliners?”
‘Sort of” He said as he further explained his job title, however, I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. I was sitting in the room with a man and all I wanted to do was to rip his clothes off.
“Wow, Well, I got to be going.”
“So soon?”
“Yeah,” I started to head to the door, “Tara might need me.”
I felt his mint breath on my neck as I tried to open the door, with little effort.
“Just say five minutes” He said, holding his strong hand against the door
I turned around, looked up into his tired grey eyes and it was as though my mouth had a mind of its own.
“I just wanna kiss you, Miss Jade.”
Please, let it be my imagination. Or my hormones translating his sentence into something my eyes wanted to hear.
“What are you waiting for?”
His lips were gentle, preview his love making technique. He’d hold me close. Like i’m a precious commodity to him as we would make love till the sun would rise. He would respond to my body like it hasn’t be answered in years. That’s what someone who hold romance close, this is not me however.
We didn’t lose our lip embrace as we walked without looking to his bed. Oh god, this is not happening. Thoughts of me getting caught, or being in his room too long that Tara would come up to see what was going on. The owners would look at the camera and see that there is a 30 mins that I stayed in room 315 and them asking me, what the hell was the problem in that room that I was in their for 30 mins. Logic told me to walk away, get back to work, since at this time, I had 15 mins till I was off. Think, think of a lie. Security walk through, saw his door open, went in, fixed his tv, couldn’t work the tub. Yeah, the tub always has problem. Just got to work it right!
He unbotton my pants, taking note that their were no britches that he would have to remove.
“No panties?”
“Not the type, don’t like cotton on my ass.”
He cluckled as he took his arms, intwined in my legs and pulled me down against the bed.
“You are going to need room.”
“How so?”
He kissed my thigh, slowly making his way to my aching pussy. This couldn’t be real, I couldn’t be allowing this to happen. He licked my clit, like a nursing kitten, unbenosted to me that he transformed into a pussy eating lion. He licked and sucked like I was his last meal and I was happy to oblidge. Moans excaped my throat, gaining volume.
“You don’t want other guest to know that this is happening,” He said, catching a breath.
I’m panting, “I don’t give a fuck, keep going.”
He ate his way, as if he was trying to gain security entrance to my heart. I trembled, squirmed under his mouth but he held me down.
“Oh my god, Oh…My…Gawd. Fuck”
As I was on the brink of nirvana, his two strong fingers enter, exiting and entering, debating if they want to send me over the tundra of orgasm.
“Please, I’m going to cum”
“That’s what I want baby, cum for daddy.”
Now, that would have put a halt on anymore opportunities for this man to ever have sex if he presented himself as “Daddy”, Fuck it, it’s only once
“Yes, daddy, please….Oh god, I’m coming”
As nirvana took root, he pumped his hand faster, as he was milking my pussy for every juice possible.
“My god, you taste so damn sweet, like fruity pebbles.”
Glazed his face was. but he cleaned himself up, like a good southern boy would. He comes back out and wipes me down; placing a kiss on my mound. Grade A stamp of approval.
“Well, Miss Jade, I must say, you hotel has amazing service.”
My legs trembled as I put on my paints, “We do the best we can.”
“We’ll I let you if I have anymore problems with the TV” He walked me to the door, giving me a kiss and closed the door behind me
I looked down, 10:55, yes! I pinched myself, oh my god, that did really happen. A whole new meaning to front desk clerk. I came down, smile broad.
“What took you so long?” Tara asked
“Security walk and two rooms had some issues with their TV. One had the mute botton on and the other had a password and tried to figure it out.”
“Oh, it’s 0000, always.”
“Wish you would have told me that.”
“You never asked.”
I came and I had to be back at the hotel, doing the same thing and seeing Kelton in 315. He called, I’d come up, He’d eat my pussy and have nice converstation but he checked out early. Like Kelton, there were others who would flirt with me, wanting me to come up to their room and some, I’d would however, 315 hold secrets of guest that have came through, looking for good off the road sex. One guest, who was cute in a skinny skaterboy way would call for me, just to see me play with myself as he would jack off. 315 is my personal room where my sexual animal would be unlesh on unexpected, physically atrractive guest.
He walked in, and my heart stopped. Another man on the riges but this time, he was my color.
“Hi, I’m with the Tammy Stamm party. She reserved some rooms for us.”
I gulped, Strong black man, in Clearfield, No Way!
“Uh, yeah, there are some room. What floor would you prefer.”
“3rd please, I need some sleep and I don’t want to hear foot steps above me.”
“I completely understand,let me see what we saved.”
Looked on the list, all the Stamm party had checked in except for the very room that walls still whispers my name. Still lingers of scents of weeks ago.
“Our jacuzzi suite have been saved for you, mr…”
“And that you most certainly are”
He chuckled, “Miss jade, are you flirting with me?”
“I might be, and If I was”
“I’d have to say, be careful, I don’t take flirting lightly”
“You are going to be in room 315. Now if you have any questions or concerns, please let me know” I said as i handed him his key cards
He took his bags upstairs, and I laughed to myself. Another southern gentleman, one who was raised on lard to fry everything and swimming in the bayou ever summer. Who uses manners and still holds on to chivalry that I once believe was dead. That believed that women are to be taken care of both inside and outside of the house, especially in the bedroom.  My mouth became dry and my nerves became alive.
“Jade, you know that the shower isn’t working”
“Yep, I know” Writing his name into the room
The phone rang and I simply laughed.

So much to think about when it comes to a relationship..GRRR!

Hey folks,

This is simply whats on my head right now, as I’m sitting at work, trying to type as fast as my thoughts allow! My significate other and i had a converstation about the progression of our relationship, which we’ve been in for about 7 months. A big step for yours truly. Never was someone who wanted to settle down, rather go with the wind, literally. It kinda aided in the fear of getting close to someone. However, this time, not so much, It’s 2012 and I figured those ideas would die. Nope, they didn’t.

While we were talking, the topic of commitment came up. Ok, that word makes me get the hibi gibies. I see that word, like “Love” thrown around so much that I’m beginning to think, like chirary, comitment is dying like the bell bottom phase. The significate other see forever, the whole settle-down-have-a-family-grow-old-in-rocking chairs. I halted.

Ok, I’m 23 years old,, I still have so much more living for me to do before i can think about myself. I wanna see the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea, dive into a culture different then my own. Settling down would mean, i have to think about someone else other than myself, inquire what their likes/ dislikes are. And I couldn’t bear doing that right now. With the kaous surround my dreams and goals, I can’t be adding someone else on top of that too. I wouild never get the “me” time that I so crave. In additon, our relationship is not how nor where I want it to be. I want it to be a equal partnership. A mature partnership, not the constant arguing regarding trust or the fact that the mindset is of an average teenager. I picture a stong man, who is supportive. That I’d walk down in a warm climate, in a wedding dress and thinking to myself, “Damn, this is it and I’m ready for it” Yet, it’s not playing out like that at all.

Whether it’s my fear of settling down, the adjective “Wanderlust” constantly plays in my mind. In both my personal life and my relationship.. I shouldn’t feel that there is someone out there, much better than what I have, however, I’m praying that it is. Since now, the time is ticking and looking around, I can’t be the one not married by 30. Yet, i laugh at the thought. While everyone is enjoying their domestication to their spouse, I’m wander aimless through the world, in search of something real and I won’t settle for the fake. Nor will I say “yes” because it’s the only thing left to do in the 7 month relationship that we have.

If it’s selfish, then I won’t say sorry for the reason being that I always think about others before myself and I’m believing that this time, in 2012, I would like to think about what Jackie wants, thinks, feels and strives for in every aspect of this ever changing life of mine.

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