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*Forever Free*

Through the browns of her eyes, she sees wonders

Month

November 2012

Happy Holidays, Part 1

Hey folks,

First off: Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Holidays, Feliz día de accíon de gracias! Whatever you say or celebrate, I hope that todays is filled with joy and good company…

 

Today, for me has been extremely hard for the reason is that I’m in a place that I don’t want to be, nor with the person that has sucked every life being out of me. But it’s much deeper than being in the little town of Clearfield. Since 2008, I haven’t spent Thanksgiving with my family. The one person that would cook, is no longer here and all i think about is her cooking. That it touched me past the grumbling of my stomach, but my heart. Due to time and cancer, that heart was taken. I haven’t gotten pass that. At this point in my life, I dreamed of having my thanksgiving in a house that everything is paid for by months of hard work. That i’d be stressing if there is actually enough food for everyone. Dreams seems so far fetch when resources are not there. Constantly putting money in endless bills at a place that you don’t want to be at. Furthermore, to be waiting when you’ll go back to work due to insensitive workplace, stress is endless. However, is that what the real world is? Constant stress? Worrying if you are actually making a living in this hectic world? Why would you want to put yourself through that, since it won’t make a difference in the end? Such harbored feelings inside, in the end, I want to exploded on every last person that constantly made me feel that there was no way out. And i’m still feeling that there isn’t.

So much for it being a “happy” holiday…

Over and out,

Jay

Lost in translation of thinking

Hey folks,

Tonight, we are sitting in, watching the l word and there was a scene when two characters were discussing their future plans together. Where do you see us?

The thought about forever…what’s there to be afraid of? When a couple describe their relationship as solid, what makes that relationship solid enough to endure the task of forever?  Is it boredom that breaks down that foundation that a “solid”  couple has. Does the recognition of the same routine that comes with forever relationships unravels the fibers of ones believing that forever can actually be achieved, makes the future scary? The thought of the unknown, especially when you aren’t entirely sure that the person themselves is even THAT person you are meant spend forever with makes it somewhat daunting.

Most of my blogs ponders on the psychology behind formations of relationships however, I can only go off of what I know vs what I’ve experienced through a watchfull eyes. Maybe I blame myself for having a youthful outlook of it yet, it constantly gets mudded with fear and lack of experience in the rhlem of intimacy or relationship.

Either way, even now,that “forever” that relationship strive for, go towards with time, is damn near stressful to think about.

Over and out,
Jay

Utilizing…Exactly What?

Hey folks,

A lot has happened in a past month and some change. I recently got suspended from work and with that, been hitting the pavement hard looking for other jobs. Now, nothing seemed to avail, but the worst part is wanting to leave the area in which i’m stuck in. I don’t want to be in the same town, where EVERYBODY knows everyone. Where the men ratio to women, single mind you  0 to 18000. Sad but true, however, there is a certain time of escaping in which I want to utilize. I would like to say the new year. Starting fresh and keep my dream a live. However, looking around, there is a sense of a wall being built. Either way, I just want exhaust every option possible.

Over and Out!

Jay

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