24 hours.

24 hours,and whatever mins from now that I broke a heart. A heart that I didnt want to break. In my short life, I’ve strive to find appreciation…the feeling of want..the feeling of being love. Outside of my flaws and anything that I had with him, he accepted my chubby face or my larger-than-average physique. Sure, I look strong but not today nor the rest of the week. My mind ran faster than my thumbs could text. Was this a mistake? Of course, it was at the very time that I’d waited to hear from him the very words that every girl/woman wants to hear.  “I love u”. Now, I rather have it spelled the whole “Y-O-U” It would have meant 10 times more.  I’m trying to find justification for my actions,yet I can’t. He said those words and I turned, saying I’m not in love. I still feel like half of me loved him for the wrong reasons, but the other half is asking “what can he offer you?” He can offer me understanding to an extent of teaching me things that I wouldn’t learn in a educational setting. Everything seem like it had to be “to an extent”. I don’t want “to an extent”…I want the full, exausted chances taken.  I want no long distance and I never had what I wanted from him. Yet, I had love? If that what it was but I was still in that 16 year old puppy dog love mentality. And now, at 20,what mindset did I, or do I have.  What lessons are to be learned? Sunday, football Sunday where two rival teams come together for one final purpose of a win…have I picked the team that will come on top at any cost or will i fall underneath the weight of my arch rival. No, not today. Today, I can say that this game, I’ve won.

Advertisements