I didn’t notice that there is two parts to this writing, both written at different times.
Power seems to be the theme of today. Maybe, everyday life, but the realization have once again appeared, days ago. Mary made me feel like I wasn’t apart of the decision about MY livelyhood. That her “best friend” was the sole person. She’s the voice of reason? Please?! While angrily walking to the post office, the urge that I know so well came. The throbbing…the rapid breathing, I wanted to fuck. Ok, sure, i’m oversexed, however it was as though my anger was surpressed. It’s my insaitible need to fuck becomes more prominent. I wanted that power back. That I wasn’t someone left behind. Sex is my tool for being powerful and it shouldn’t be. Yet, walking past a potential screw, that drives my inner being into a tailspin. The tingling sensation that I get is suddle but it holds feeling of a thousand volts of lustful energy. However, I get a hyperspark when there is an area in my life that I can’t control or the over abundance of stress however my yoni is aching for pleasure. My being wants to dominate and the only remedy is having the next person submitted to me. Gronts and moans, vulgarity and formation of sweat makes my mouth water. Ugh, the search I go, my own, trying to find the very thing that gives me desire, pleasure and restraint.