Hey folks,

It’s been a minute, a very long minute since I’ve been blogging. The thing called WORK is weaseling into my own personal time, which is already limited. Anywhom, today being that it was a pleasant 90 degrees outside, I ended up going swimming. The one thing that I didn’t do a lot when I was younger was dive into a pool. Sure, I can swim and no, not float, but actually swim however diving; eh, not so much. Something about my body hitting the water, making a smacking sound, follow by an insane amount of stinging made it difficult for me to actually do the daunting task of diving into the chlorine-ridden water. However, something came over me, after taking of my shorts and shirt that I just said, “to hell with it”. It was hot and for all I knew, the water would have been cold as hell. Which was need for a day like this. I stood at the edge and dove in, not paying any attention to how my body form was but as soon as I came up, my babe said, “You did it! That was an amazing dive.” Made me think, if i don’t think about the act of doing the dive, the step in which i need to take to make a perfect dive; i can actually do it! Testing these theory, I dove again, worried more about getting into the water. As if my mind was on auto-switch, I started to think about how my body looked  and FLOP, the instant stinging came! My babe said that, “You gotta straighten you legs”, I followed by asking, “What happens if my feet hit the edge of the pool?”. She responded, “It won’t” For the next 15 mins, I practice my diving and tested her suggestion. Eventually, I stopped diving and just enjoyed the warmness of the pool.

The reason that I wrote this is to go back to this, why put so much thought into something that is enjoyable. Maybe the idea of my negative self-image at the age of 8 clouded any type of activity that I would have enjoyed; whether it was swimming or anything that would require exposure. Now, at the age of 23, developing a mindset of “What’s the worst that can happen?” or “To hell with it” gives me a gateway to escape my sense of fear and explore the very phrase of being free. Whether it’s my writing, my relationship or anything that would cause my left side of my brain to activate and create scenarios that would stray me away from actually living, I couldn’t. I realize that, day by day, I’m not the same girl I was once was.

There you go, folks, food for thought:)

Over and Out,

Jay

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